Thailandia and Two Drifters

Thailand…it was the best of times and it was the worst of times. Of all places to be anxious I chose Thailand. Although, if I were to pick anywhere in the world to have serious anxiety it would be on an island with a lemon shake. Sometimes I don’t always go about things the right way; maybe there never was a right way. Is anyone ever correct in any situation? If you think about it, it’s all about perspective. Someone once told me you can’t please people, so at least please yourself. This advice helped me to finally take a deep breathe and think of how fortunate I am. Always look up on your life, never look down and you’ll never see unhappiness. Easier said then done at times. This anxiety that developed over me does not have enough relevance to discuss it’s cause with you, because in hindsight it’s but a split second of my life. The part of this trip that will last me a lifetime starts with the man with salt and pepper hair…

We met when I first landed on the island city of Phuket. Literally within my first 3 hours upon arrival I had met him in the lobby of the backpackers hostel. Him and his friend were speaking German. We all went out for some drinks together that night. When everyone else decided to go to bed, I felt that we both didn’t want to part ways just yet, so we didn’t. We stayed up all night walking around Phuket. He showed me the park, where he bought me some delicious dragon fruit. We played with stray dogs. I remember I turned to him and said that a city feels more like it’s mine at night, as if I own it. We talked about how everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don’t. There is something you can learn from everyone. I asked him what he thinks he learned from me, and he said I know I’ve already learned something from you and I will find out. I didn’t want this to end, but I found out that in just 3 days we would both be on the same island of Koh Phangan. We will meet again here. When we meet up we grow very close. As if every second together I know him better and stronger than before. I feel myself understand him truly and I feel he does me. He’s a man who does not fear the thoughts and judgements of others. The way his mind and heart works captures my attention undivided. Sometimes when I say how I feel about something he will state that he was just thinking the same. I’m not sure if I’ve ever met anyone who works so well with me. These 6 days we spent together on the island felt so long but too short at the same time. I feel like we have known each other for years, as if we already knew each other somehow someway before. I feel his soul has touched mine for a reason. I know this when I hold him as he drives me around on motorbike. It’s as if there was a strongly calculated reason for us having met. His affection is unconditional as is mine. I can’t say I’ve ever been with somebody who was so purely good to me. I can feel he doesn’t expect anything in return, but I try my best to show my appreciation for his presence in my life. Showing my affection isn’t hard towards him; I can be myself always. I can be weird and say whatever without having to filter it beforehand.

I am now waiting for my flight home to Beijing. While writing this I feel a deep sadness overcome me like a tidal wave. I have just left the light and warmth in Thailand and it’s people. I am reentering the dark and cold Beijing has to offer me at times. I can feel it all around me; the change in the people. Suddenly, the tsunami of loneliness sweeps over me. All of a sudden, I am no longer in a warm place where I can communicate positively with the people around me. I am back in a bubble, where I can no longer communicate. It feels cold. The coldness of the people and the loneliness that follows the inability to communicate. Thailand felt warm, and now home feels cold. His memory keeps me feeling warm even back in Beijing.

He says he hates goodbyes so he just says until next time. I know there has to be a next time. A connection like this can’t simply be cut with scissors or torn like paper. I love the way his mind works and his heart. We are two drifters who drifted together…So until next time.

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